So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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