does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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