so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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