i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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