you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize