Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
