im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Did I show you my penis last night?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
