My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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