Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
