who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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