I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
