well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
