Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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