I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
