you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
