When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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