I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
