Yo dont text me then not text me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
did i walk over a car last night?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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