I heard we made out
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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