Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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