Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
