nut hugger
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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