I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
