this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She even gives head with a lisp.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
