i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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