I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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