so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
