P.S. I can't hear my feet
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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