What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize