I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
