I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
