If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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