I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize