Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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