i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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