Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
