Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize