I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
