Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
