I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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