Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
