question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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