Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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