I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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