I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You ate ashes out of my bong
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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