If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
