you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
