I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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