I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
