he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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