Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
