You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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