Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
