Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
