If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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