Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
