i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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