don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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