just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize