Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
