This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
