I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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