3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
MIDGETS
????
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
